There is this friend who I think is lamenting over why I did not help her. Of course, she did not mention any names. However, based on series of events occurring recently, I strongly believe she is referring to me. So why I did not help her?
There is this presentation which requires each of us to select a scientific paper to present. I have chosen mine with help from my seniors (eventually, I switch to a more appropriate paper. The one recommended by my senior was really good. However, I later realised it does not fit into the scope of the presentations very well and therefore switched to, what I think, is a more appropriate paper). She has not chosen hers and asked me to help. How can I help? I cannot suggest papers from my topic because my presentation comes before hers. If she presents the same topic as I did, the novelty will be gone. This is actually not good for her.
I think she is rather dependent on people and this has to change. For her first research presentation, she actually thought to seek help from our teaching assistant, who is in a different laboratory from us, to vet her presentation. My working policy is: Do not involve people who are not working directly with you because they have their own work to do. I think getting people to take notes for lectures which you missed due to work is fine, since it is in the way (I will offer mine when the friend needs my copy (mutual help) and it minimally troubles the lender). Getting people to do additional stuff out of their way is not right. Prior to exams last semester, she asked what is my schedule for revision and wants to follow my schedule. Everyone's schedule is different and their ability is different. So my schedule may not work for you. Anyway, I have not thought of a schedule at that time.
She went ahead to take 4 modules, despite knowing she has a lot of laboratory work to do. Yes. It is true she has to clear a compulsory module before graduation. However, I think she should have known better (after 1 year of laboratory work) - modules are a major disruption to laboratory work. Since you know the risks and decide to take them, you should be prepared for what comes. Everyone has to live to the consequences of their decisions. You cannot expect to do something and if that something goes awry, you absolve yourself of all blames.
Grading is done on a percentile system (bell-shaped curve). Therefore, I think everyone is competing against everyone. However, I am not so competitive and unfriendly that I do not give help or advice to anyone. I do respond to questions she (or anyone) asks and explain in as much detail as I can everytime. Sometimes, I also alerted her to new information, though sometimes, I just tell her where to find it and not the information itself. She can, also, read up for herself based on the papers referenced on the lecture notes if she does not understand. That is what I do most of the time instead of calling people up to ask (I only call if it is a very urgent matter). In fact, she does read up by herself.
We are no longer kids. While we can ask for help if we are genuinely lost, I think we have to consider the fact that we are actually all competitors. No amount of white-washing or playing friends is going to change that. As friends, we will help each other as much as possible. However, in my opinion, we all have a right to protect our competitive edge and should respect those of others because we (or they) develop these advantages through hardwork. This is how major countries and corporations work and I see no reason why this should not applied to daily lives. When she told me she made notes from readings of a particular part of a module, I was tempted to ask her for the notes. However, I acutely felt, as well, that this is her work (hours of reading) and it would be unfair to her if I just ask her to cede her advantage. Therefore, I did not broach the topic.
After reading all these, you may feel that I am overly competitive or taking things too seriously or being too rigid in thinking. I have to say that she is not that helpless. In fact, she has shown herself to be more capable than me on several occasions. I do admire her for her efforts sometimes. It is true that through sharing, we all can all learn something from one another. However, I feel we all have the right to protect our key competitive edge from direct competitors. To deny competition exist is unrealistic. While we all hate our limitations and desire someone who can help us as much as we want, we will not grow as fast. I think this is the stage when we really grow from teenagers to adults. Too much help given is not good.
One last note: If you still think I am justifying my over-competitiveness, I concede that is true to some extent. I am trying to rein in my over-competitiveness.
No comments:
Post a Comment