In a flash, I have less than 2 months to the conclusion of Project Final Fantasy. 3 years preparation for this finale initially seemed very long, but at this point, I wish it was a little longer. This final stretch seems tougher than any period in the previous 7 months. Looking at my datelines, I think I have to forgo many things in this period. Yes. If anyone asks "why do you work so hard?", I will just answer "because I need the grade". If anyone ask "why you want the grade?', I will just answer "for pride". This is true. So far, I did not notice any significant different between people of my class and people of a lower class. The only difference being the desire to come out tops and the speed at which we grasp concepts sometimes and how we organize concepts. Thus the strive for this higher class is just for pride and to a certain extent, for better salaries. As much as I wanted people to believe I am better than the rest, I think in reality, that is not always the case. To insist that I am the best would be mere hubris.
In terms of jobs/career, I am at a crossroad. One between familiar and novelty and between finance and personal interest. I was offer a job at my current work place. Of course, that would not be a permanent one. I was hoping to get a job to last for one year, while I decide whether to pursue postgraduate studies. If I am apply for foreign univerisities, I would need GRE as well. It is said to be extremely tough and so I would need time to prepare for it anyway. Then, seniors have warned me about the gloomy further of PhDs. It seems like the boat has already left the coast for biomedical research. Low pay, high workload are rampant almost everywhere now. I think with more people getting PhDs, this trend is set to continue as supply of PhDs continue to outstrip demand.
Negative emotions are running high these days. "Dominate" seems to be a word that is constantly flashing across my mind. I guess, while harnessing the drive brought on by these emotions, I have to be wary not to succumb to them. These emotions are not the objectives of education - they are simply the drive to reach greater height, albeit not the positive way.
On another note, it is good that she has moved on. Saw her picture on fb with him. Hopefully this is a new beginning to a wonderful future. Haha. In case you are veering off onto the wrong track, no. There is nothing between us. It is just my "protective" instinct kicking in (Ok ok. And a bit of jealousy too). However, it does reminds me that no matter how I try to move away, I am still engage in a solitude battle.
