Time to review. Been on the job for 4 months.
On competency end, I think I really sucked. Out of 100 marks, I would give a 45. Public administration is more complex than I imagined. There are a myriad of issues one has to consider when making a decision. One false move can prove to be one's undoing. A good example is human perception (which is rather well portrayed by the movie "contagion"). When there is a new scheme, people will start to ask where will the budget come from. If it comes from their pockets, they will flip. It is human nature. But the selfishness of it all is disgusting. Then there will be people who don't do their work too and spend a good half an hour telling you unimportant things and when you put down the phone, you realise: have I gotten the information I wanted? Worse is when someone who should have the information tells you that they do not have it. How can these people not have the info when it's their responsibility and job scope?
Lesson 1: Stand firm on the info I want. Never mind what the other side say, get all the info I need.
Lesson 2: Read all articles carefully before responding or asking question. Pay attention to details. I cannot afford to ask redundant questions for that will dent my credibility. The saying "the devil is in the details". I can overstate how true that rings out.
Lesson 3: Also, a variant is "the devil is in the execution". All policies are empty talk, no matter how good they look and sound, unless they can be executed in reality. When talking about strategies, it is always important to think about feasibility and how they can be implemented.
Lesson 4: Before I approach anyone, I need to consolidate the information and ask the right question. Asking the right question is a useful skill. It will avoid people misconceiving what you are asking and giving you the wrong information, causing you to "re-ask" that person.
Lesson 5: Finance information can tell you many many things. More than just revenue and loss, it can tell you how effective a unit is working.
Lesson 6: WHERE ARE MY SOFT SKILLS???
All in all, if this is Bleach, I suppose my situation would be like losing a Captain's level power (or a Lieutenant's) and got demoted to normal human. Suddenly, I cannot fully comprehend things. And worse is, many things are not within my control. Research suddenly seemed very enticing.
The good thing is, I am learning lots of new things. : ))) And I refuse to give up. However, I need to buck up and find some way to motivate myself. HOW???
On the social end of things, I think I am just as bad. I would report a rating of 30 out of 100. Sometimes I wonder, why do I hesitate when approaching people? They are colleagues right? We are in the same team right? Forging stronger ties and getting to know them and they know me is going to benefit us all right? But why am I vacillating? Even yesterday, I was actually apprehensive when collecting movie tickets I bought online. Utterly ridiculous. The good thing is, logic and a sense of urgency kicked in yesterday. I wonder how dumb I would have looked if those did not come in time. Irrational fear. But of what? I have no idea. of losing face? Or looking stupid? Irrational fears are to be crushed.
Also, it seems that I am too serious. I have to learn to loosen up. Really. Sounds easy. But somehow, the message is having a hard time getting to me.
On fitness end, I'm starting to move. Re-started gym sessions and running session. Super out of shape. This time, I have to be consistent. In any case, I have set a deadline of CNY to improve physique and dressing. Looks like a reasonable deadline. If only I can keep the pace.
