Not physical growth spurt of course. I am well past that growth spurt age. I am referring to mental growth spurt. 7 weeks going into new job, feels extremely green. Granted, my experience is in the labs and this is my 1st job. But I cannot help but feel I am not performing at all. So far, it is more of a learning thing. How to write good emails, do good presentations, understand working of the company, etc. Consistently, I realized one thing: I sucked at communicating. Well, it didn't seem that way in the past. But now, the problem shows up more acutely.
Another thing is that I need to slow down my thoughts. Last Tuesday, my mind sped way ahead of my tongue. Words came out gibberish. This is ridiculous!!! Never happened before. Lesson Learnt: Control Speed. Organize thoughts first. Speak s-l-o-w-e-r. Argh!!! Then just yesterday, I was too quick with my email. This person irritated and I replied back. Then regretted the way I phrase my email. Lesson learnt: Don't press "send" immediately. THINK FIRST!!
If you think I am just going to weep over it and throw in the towel, you cannot be further from the truth. True, I dreaded going to work every morning. True, I kept hoping for weekend to come (something that I have never done before). True, I feel sad when educated by boss. BUT this is all part of becoming stronger.
In the past 2 years, I have gotten beyond the stage of being upset because of getting scolded. Now, I am more upset about why did I not done better/anticipated in the 1st place and NOT because of getting scolded. Anyway, "scold" is not a good word. I feel that a better word is "educate". With every "scolding", I get better, which is a good thing.
Right now, I cannot deny that my performance thus far has been disappointing. It used to be that I grasp concepts quite naturally. But now, things are quite complex to me. It used to be that I do not have to interact with many people (in fact, I probably could have survived by myself. But I will be extremely lonely). But now, I have to interact with many many many people.
All I have to say is, I should savour the learning experience. I have to and want to become stronger and better. This is actually the perfect position to do so. Somehow, this job forces me to face my weaker areas: approaching people, making phone calls, presenting ideas in a coherent way, infer impact of decisions etc.
I AM SO NOT GIVING UP!!!
