Realization

The outing tonight (or more accurately, last night) kind of paid off. It sort of put paid to any fantasy idea. I think it is both good and bad. Good because I can totally erase that thought. Bad because... hmm... one lost chance?

I can suddenly see the future. At mid twenties, I will be pondering over career options. At early to mid thirties or even late twenties, I will be fretting over being "left on the shelf" and making desperate attempts to rectify my apathy in the past one or two decade.   

Distracted

Heh. Just got distracted by someone. Suddenly realized it is actually quite nice to have so many people wishing you happy birthday. Then again, this totally goes against being invisible, which seems to be my favourite past time. Haha. Ok. Now is NOT the time to think about any someone. Since I am a person who only knows how to "fight, fight and fight" to achieve goals at work (rarely anywhere else perhaps because I want to relax elsewhere), and work is really really important now, I shall just focus on that.

Okok. I know. Maybe I may miss that any someone. Then it is good riddance to the bad genes I carry, don't you think so? (Getting a little crazy here because of lack of sleep.)

Ah yes. While I was bathing, an idea for further experiment came to me. Looks like I need to buy another antibody... Work work work. I actually enjoy work. Hahaha.

Another U-Turn

Somehow, the results don't tally. Sigh... a week after I thought I made another progress, it looks I am back to square one. It happened 2 months back and it happened again... Wasted all that money and efforts. BUT I will sort through the mess and nip it in the bud. Problems like this shall not stop me! I know I sound like some maniac. But as long as I am motivated, almost anything goes [as long as it is not morally wrong or is harming others].

While going through Facebook, I saw the other side of this person. Interesting interesting. In choir, and can play piano. I think I realize why there is this "mis-connection" with this person. She is quite similar to another person. Similar build, similar background, and I think, similar "aura".... Okok. Sometimes, I judge people by their "aura".

Increasingly, I realized the only think I can do well... is well.... study (I think if I am in the natural world, I would be dead by now because I am a "one-trick pony"). Hmm... Maybe it is because I crave perfection in work. That is why I keep restricting myself. But this is changing gradually. Do not get me wrong. It is not that I cannot take failures. Look at the numerous tries in my experiment during optimization phase - but the desire to succeed just keep getting stronger. It is just that I detest the feeling of failure. But then again, I also realized that "if you don't fail, you will never learn".