It seems the nightmare of previous year is repeating itself again. Among my friends, I think it entered a better lab, got myself an exploratory project (with good prospect of publishing) and surrounded by nice people. AND like previous year, my mentor/supervisors thought too highly of me and suggest I put up an abstract, and subsequently a poster, for a conference.
Do I have the words "Please please please send me to conference" on written on my face? What do they see in me anyway? So far, I have not shown any result nor any glimpses of any brilliance. Heck, I cannot even do a simple Bradford assay (although that appears to be solved now). Sometimes, I wonder why can't I do my projects like normal people. Do project, write thesis, submit, the end. Why must I be sucked into these risky "all or nothing" games? Somehow, I must be embroiled in some additional activity that is beyond my level (my perceived level).
On the bright side, if I can pull this off, I can wipe clean the shame of previous year. Yes. This is a very big motivation. Never mind it will look good on my curriculum vitae. I should be glad that I got entangled in this again. This means that I can put myself through similar challenges and see if I come out tops this time. Besides, even if I did not come out tops (but hopefully not bottoms either), then I would have an edge over my peers. Yes. Yes. I feel better when I see it in this light now. Statistics, however, does not favour my quest at this point of time. This will be a very trying time.
Right. I sound like a vengeful maniac. Like a Saiyan. This analogy is very accurate. But only when it comes to work. Other than that, I am alright. Perhaps I will become more normal when I feel I am on par with my "rivals" or when I am other things/people to concern myself with other than work.
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