Competitive or Inadequacies?

One thing I like about fb is that I get to know things people are doing (the word voyeur comes to mind). Yet, one thing I hate about fb is that I get to know things people are doing. Doing a double take? It is a love-hate relationship.

Why I hate to know what people are doing? THAT is a very good question. I think a large part is because I perceive them to be doing better than me, or are encroaching on my goals. Ridiculous I know. Absolutely ridiculous. Every person has their own path to take and taking different paths does not mean that one path is better than the other. Person A thriving in one path does not necessarily mean Person B, taking the same path, will achieve the same results. Therefore, it is simply ridiculous to try to compare. Worse is, I do not even know why I am comparing. Logic says, there is no basis for compare. Heart says, I am pathetic because I lost. Well, as usual, logic wins. But this tendency to compare could be due to my competitive nature. Competitions of certain kind makes my blood boil - they make me feel that I have truly come alive. To fight, to defend, to dominate or even to lose to a better opponent. Recently on newspaper, there is this article on perfectionists. According to the test, I am a perfectionist and someone seemingly in need to psychological help at that. Actually, I think the test is not that accurate. True, I concede that I am a perfectionist but so far, I have been able to regulate my perfectionist tendencies relatively well. But could perfectionism, which my competitive streak rises from, also bore profound inadequacies? Because of inadequacies, I strive to compete and to truly beat the competition, I need to be perfect. But the futility of trying to achieve perfection lead to inadequacies. So it is a vicious cycle. Could this be what is really happening?

On another note, there is this question which I also have no answer to. What does it feel like to really like someone. Drama series always portray love/like as willing to go the distance for someone, to continue to like someone even though that someone has betrayed you etc. But is this even realistic in real life? If you like someone, but then things do not go your way or things go wrong, does it mean that I am not really liking that person if I just try to forget about that happened instead of persisting? To one side of the argument, persistence may be a sign of true love. But to the other side of the argument, persistence is just pestering and a futile act. So which view is actually correct? Answer anyone?