I think I am getting used to life revolving around the lab. 6/7 days a week, I come to lab. Usually for 10 hours, minimum of 5 hours a day. I take it as an achievement that I am able to overcome my "unwillingness" to head out to work even on weekend mornings. The days that I did not come to lab because I did not schedule any experiment felt strange, even though I have other work to do at home.
Coming to lab has become a norm. Unlike many people who complained about coming to lab, I think I have blurred the distinction between lab and home. The lab has become my second home. Literally. I spend more time at the lab than at home. I talk more to the people in the lab than to people at home (this is not to say that I will do that to future wife if I ever have one). Yes. Lab is a work place. But increasingly, the people at the lab seem to resemble family members: elder brothers and sisters.
Things are not going well now, partly due to my prior ineptness. Just like the previous year, I feel a sense of guilt coming to lab but not doing anything fruitful on the bench. The feeling is akin to being a free-loader at home. I actually felt that I want to be associated with the lab, to be a "true" member of the lab by acquiring the skills to do so. I do not want to be a member simply because I am in the lab. Perhaps this is the major difference between me and other people: I want to excel in work not only because of the grading. But also because I want to prove myself to be worthy of belonging to this lab.
Ok. Enough of lab. On other work, I am progressing relatively slowly. I admit I do not feel entirely secure relying on the work of others when doing projects (perhaps this is hubris at work due to performance thus far compared to that of others). Then again, given my tight schedule, I have to rely on others and distribute the work. After learning to work independently, perhaps it is time to learn to trust others and work as a team.
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