The Lust is Back

The lust to see proper work done that is. Finally got a little bit of urgency back. Was lapsing into holiday mood after the exams. Just realised I am left with only 3 more months. Got to step up the pace.

On Wednesday, supervisor talked to me about my plans after my project. She is reluctant to take in any more student because she feels like retiring. But she did recommend me to another PI. It feels nice to be recognised by someone who have seen a lot. Then again, despite what others have said, I do acutely know that I have yet to become the completed product (no one can be a completed product because there is always new things to learn).  

Need to buy new shoes and trousers. It's a pain when the basic things that I have taken for granted falls apart or needed an effort to maintain/replenish.

Looks like I got to do something on the social front. Getting "scooped"... Then again, I deserved it... Too reserved and too focused on work to see the world around me.

Brain Block

Suffered from brain block while writing Introduction today. There is too much information and I am having trouble trying to put them together to achieve a good flow of ideas. I think I need to get a 1,2 day break. Need to do some reading to come up with a good Introduction, buy some clothes and a pair of new shoes (old ones are coming apart).

Better not go into holiday mood. But there are still a number of people I want to meet (some of them quite desperately)...

12th Western Pacific Congress on Chemotherapy and Infectious Diseases

That was today at Shangri-la hotel. Good thing I went yesterday to scout the place. Or else I would be very late today. The first time I went there was for buffet lunch with the lab at The Line. Very good food. Today, I went there thinking my head will be chopped.

My senior got the Young Investigator Award. Out of over 300 individuals who applied, only 2 were chosen. It is good to be in such good labs. There are a lot of things I can learn. Pretty amazed that I actually had a poster to present, despite being abit short on data. There were more people who stopped by to look and read my poster immediately after I put it up than at the actual poster session. Haha. So my head was not chopped at all. Phew. Many thanks to seniors from both laboratories and my 2 supervisors.

Met 3 people that interest me at the conference. First is the head of Communicable Disease Center. In the past, I only saw her on TV and on newspapers. I actually saw her in person today. My recent goal is to work in CDC. Looks like my boss has some connections there - they are in the same project. May be there is a little bit of chance I can get to work in CDC?

Second is a girl whom I had communicated via email, but not seen in person. She is a PhD student, writing up her thesis now. I consulted her on certain technical stuff. Now that I met her, quite pretty actually. I always wonder why some people can have both good looks and good brains while most of us are stuck with lopsided attributes.

Third is another girl (Yes. Guys do not interest me socially. But there are guys that I admire at work. I admire all the PhD students in my labs. All very capable. Hope I will grow to be like them). Without her, I probably would not have gotten an A+. That time, I was rushing to do experiments, thus missed quite a few lectures. Without her lending me her notes, I most probably would not get an A+. She is also pretty and smart. But... I think she was too busy. She worked at Science Center as a guide. But then because of all these distractions, she did not do so well and could not to go on with the fourth year. I think it is quite sad actually. There are people who just studied and scored in exams without really understanding and without passion for science. They got to fourth year. But decided not to proceed because they did not like science. Rationally, these people should not be blamed for halting the advances of others, like this third girl. But irrationally, I think they are wasting not only their own time, but the chances of others - why bother to work so hard, then give up in the end, when there are people who genuinely want it but got outcompeted by you people because they have other commitments. Like I said, these are irrational thought. Who knows, she might have better opportunities awaiting her. I think she is very sound in terms of technical skills and above average in terms of ability to grasp theory. Hope she will go far in future. Well, if I know of a suitable opening in future, I will definitely recommend her. She is someone I will want to work with and not give my heart attack, unlike some others.

Final War Part I Over

Finished final year part 1. Practically worked at near my maximum capacity for the entire period. Compared to the previous year, when I was languishing in deep, deep pit of no where, this year is better. Of course, there is still much, much, much more room for improvements. But as far as amount of work put in is concerned, I can say I have do not much regrets over lost days.

The brain seems to work better this time too. Compared to the sluggish crawl of the previous year, the brain is almost on hyper mode this semester. Though I am not sure of the outcome, in terms on on-the-spot performance, it feels good to be back to the usual.

After this "Final War Part I", I acutely felt the sense of emptiness. More so than previous 6 periods. No one to go out and "celebrate" with. Either they are still having exams, or need to resume work, or they are occupied with their own close friends. NEED TO GO OUT!!! With Doctor, with Gossip Lane people, with AHS people at least.

Then again, I do not really have the time to "celebrate". There is a conference poster to prepare. Yes. This situation is similar to that of last year. That is why I see this as a chance for redemption. To show that I can surmount this obstacle that I previously did not do so well.

Let the "fun" Final War Part II begin!

Testimonials

Finally. Someone realised that certain testimonials are written by students themselves and vetted by their teachers. How they took so long to acknowledge this is beyond me. Certain institutions remained insistent that testimonials are wholly written by their teachers.

For one thing, how can a teacher remember so much details of each and every students. A typical class has at least 25 students. Each student takes at least 4 subjects and has at least 1 CCA. How can a teacher remembers what every and each student did? A teacher has other classes to teach as well.

There is nothing wrong with students writing testimonials for themselves, provided there are processes for verifying the accuracy of their work. If teachers are forced to write testimonials, I believe the typical strategy will be to trawl the school's database, find out achievements and then write these in, along with some generic phrases that inevitably put all students in a good light. What is the difference then? If you recall your student life, a teacher typically gets along more frequently with a handful of students. Testimonials for these students would be more accurate. As for the rest....

If you totally believe the accuracy of testimonials, then I believe you are shortchanging yourself. Just look at all those testimonials for commercial products. Do you really believe them? Perhaps some are true. But if testimonials are really so accurate, why do companies bother to conduct costly human clinical trials and why bosses need to conduct interviews? Testimonials probably reflect the capability of the person accurately. But subtle traits such as their characters, their ability to communicate with others, to work with others for examples, do not get a proper airing. It is easy to "pretend" in front of bosses. After all, they do not stand behind you to observe you the entire day. Further more, schools rarely carry out peer appraisals for students.

Just like those short term toxicity tests, interviews are short term tests, providing some information on candidates, but not the complete picture. With lessons that coaches interview skills, it is even more difficult to discern true behaviours from "prepared responses".

However, given the lack of suitable mode of assessing candidates besides interviews and testimonials, we have to live with them for now. Then again, it is likely that neither offers an entirely accurate picture of a candidate. Interviews fare slightly better because you can further question the candidates to reveal their true (or "true-er") nature,

One-dimensional Being

Suddenly felt that in one aspect, I am similar to Margera Wonderweiss - the Arrancar which has his ability to think, speak and et cetera, removed by his creator to boost his power. I am one-dimensional too, though probably of my own volition.

Besides academic tasks, I do not consider myself really that competent in any thing else. Actually, I do not think it is so much of me sacrificing too many things for academic pursuits. Rather, it is my reluctance to explore new grounds and my hatred for failure that has impeded me. That has changed now, however (at least this is moving somewhere).

To achieve a high level of competence in something, unless you are extremely talented, requires a lot of time. Therefore, in order to rise above the others in at least one field, I have to put in more effort. If you plot a graph with the amount of work done on the x-axis and the results obtain on the y-axis, you would probably get a graph that increases rapidly at the start, then the gradient would start to decrease and finally plateau. Similar to the graph of rate of enzymatic activity against substrate concentration. Thus if you want to attain a higher level of achievement, you probably have to put in a lot more effort than others. Some people would think hard work is proportional to achievement. But most of the time, they do not have a linear relationship like many would think.

I think for those who are "not-so-talented", the drive for perfection is necessary to excel. That is both a boon and a curse, unfortunately. Unless one is able to regulate this drive for perfection, one will always be a one-dimensional being.

I have all/most of the armaments. But am I able to wield them skilfully?

Armaments = notes/information/knowledge

Like the title said. This is my current problem. Actually, amassing too many armaments is also a bad thing. Too many options. By the time I finished "training", the "battle" would have been over.

6 days into break. Every single day is a struggle of trying to stay awake and coping with the insatiable appetite. Felt sleepy all day long. Perhaps this is because I have slept too little in the previous months. Now, even sleeping 8 hours a day is not enough. As for appetite, well.... just imagine trying to look for food like once every hour. Or eating massive amount of food during breakfast/lunch/dinner. I think if this goes on, I can say hello to the Doctor very soon.

Ok. Someone led me to re-look my current priorities. One: This person  (or actually, people) had the mood for birthday celebrations at a time when a major project is going on. Two:  This person, who has usually been scoring lower than me, actually emailed past year questions to me.

Point One: Okok. Maybe I am the weird one. My birthday holds no significance for me (though I believe otherwise for certain people). It is just the day I am born. Nothing more. I have not anything special or earth-breaking for anyone to commemorate this day either. Then again, judging from the actions of people around me, yes. Birthdays are important dates. From this, it is super duper obvious that I am a very negative person. A senior put it very well - A day lost in lab may not matter. But to miss out on important social activity will have a bigger impact. Need to re-look priorities. Also, I need to go out more. Maybe I will reconsider going to that Christmas gathering.

Point Two: Very generous person I must say. The papers are freely available. One just have to look for them. I actually have them prior to that email. If you bother to refer to that post where I spouted things about "competitive edge", you would have probably guessed I would not reveal such information to anyone, unless it is someone who really needed help or someone asked me for it (I tend to adopt a don't ask, don't tell policy. Unless I have judged that the person really needed help or it is something basic that everyone should know or we are in the same group. Or there is no conflict of interest/goals.). But this person actually just emailed to all her friends. Looking back, either I am selfish, or overly competitive. Need to reflect - on a simple gesture that actually set me thinking.