4 days till the end of A.D. 2010. Since I have a little bit of time, let's get this down now. Let's say 2010 did not start out well. Project in limbo and relatively weak performance in academics the previous half a year - a B+ in a core module. In short, it was a reality check and put paid to my suspicion that I needed one. Although I do not like that state, but it was a good growing up process. Getting shouted at because of poor work and rushing out reports last minute. Non-optimal examination schedule where I had 3 exams in 3 days and a super duper memory-intensive one in the middle. I think I did well for the first half of 2010. Or I was lucky. Could be both. Academic performance was restored. I had a good mentor and senior who helped me a lot (have to really thank them). A bunch of good and fun friends in the laboratory (Gossip Lane people).
After than half year, I found myself another project. This time, working on my favourite subject. The co-supervisor's lab is really nice (at least from my viewpoint) - good science, good people to give advice... although I have no mentor (it is a good thing I have prior experience in this line of work so I am not that lost) and no one seems to know exactly what I am doing, it still feels great to be able to think like a researcher. After the major goofing up the previous time, I am glad I corrected myself of most things which I erred prior. Yeah, the hours are long (think 12,13,14 hours a day, 7 days a week for long stretches), it is quite fun.
Although the primary goal is to do well, this project is no longer just an academic exercise. It has evolved as well to a personal quest. Maybe that is partly why the crazy working hours does not feel that bad (though it is bad. I felt I have reached my tolerable limit today and my brain is breaking down). My main supervisor has been very supportive as well. I got an opportunity to present a poster on my work at an international conference as well. Perhaps it is the nature of the conference. Most people does not really care about posters though.
I consider myself to be in an optimal, or close to optimal condition, but with a tough research objective. It like trying to climb a daunting mountain with no clear path, bringing excellent gears. Except my climbing skills are not great at the moment. I hope my desire to win can see me through. Never has this craving been so strong. Perhaps this is because 1) it is my favourite subject 2) the huge reward at stake 3) the need to redeem for my past mistake.
Things went kind of went downhill in the other academic area again. I was told I topped in one module. But I got a B in another. B! lowest grade so far! Oh well. I guess no one can win everything and I just have to put in more effort or choose something which I have more interest in. Then again, it reflects well on the strength of the cohort. If I keep doing well, it could mean that 1) I am good 2) the cohort is weak. Sometimes, getting beaten by others simply means that we are competing against strong opponents and that is a good thing. So far, I found myself getting stronger when working with people above my level. Then again, it is too bad I had no opportunity (or have let slipped such chances) to work with peers who are consistently stronger than me. That was the case in secondary school. I miss those days.
Ah yes. There is the "presentation got cut off midway" episode. Groups before mine exceeded their time limit and we got the shorter end of the stick. Somehow, I felt that it was extremely unfair and went to see the lecturer (although the lecturer said there was no need to and that he would grade us fairly). Still, I went straight to see him. It felt good when he agreed that we present to him the remaining portions. But the important thing is, I grew a backbone! Haha. At the same time, I realised I have little tolerance for sloppy work (I am trying hard not to produce any sloppy work myself) and a short fuse to boot. It is tough being a lazy perfectionist. I am intrinsically lazy but also a perfectionist (or almost one). The latter has usually kept me away from the former.
On the social front, I finally signed up to facebook. Forgive me for not revealing the reason behind this. It might cause misunderstanding which I am trying to avoid. Speaking of stuff I am trying to avoid, there is this friend of 11 years, accusing me of doing things I have been trying to avoid. This friend has always been the one trying to stir something up. I mounted a verbal assault this time (of the cynical and sarcastic kind. Not the vulgar type. But no less potent). Guess we will not be speaking to each other for quite some time. Guess I "hit" him a little too hard. No more infinitely tolerating nonsense. Hit me hard, and I will bite back. Of course, that depends on a number of criteria and in general, I consider myself to be a more accommodating and rational person.
There is also the recent episode where I almost confused liking a person and sympathy/empathy again. It seems to be my nature to blur the lines, though I am gradually learning to differentiate the two. It has been 5 years since I racked my brains to buy a present too. Glad that this time, it goes well. Self-made icosahedral box encasing the present. Yeah... it was kind of rough. But this way, everyone can see that it is really hand-made, no?
I just remembered an important part. Two actually. Cats. There are two cats near my lab. Somehow, always hungry. Then again, how are we supposed to know how much to feed. Feed too little, they are always hungry. Feed to much, the leftovers will attract too many ants. Troublesome critters I would say. Sometimes, I feel sad for them being unable to find their own food and have to depend on others. I hate to depend on others at work. Yes. I have many different sides. The "at-work" me is different in some ways from the "off-work" me.
