Fishing?

No matter how I look at it, no matter how I try to justify, I seem to be trying to cast a wide "net" to increase chance. There are several possibilities. Then again, several seems a little too many, especially for the conservatives. Trying for too many will get me no where.

I think it is not fair to compare them, since every one is different. Then again, how do I even begin choose one when I cannot compare and every one gives the same feeling? Or is this just a passing phase? Many questions, no answers.

Coincidence

Gossip Lane Christmas Dinner today. It was good to see that girl recovering well emotionally from that "incident". Ok... It was a Japanese restaurant and no Christmas dishes. Still, it was a Christmas dinner. Left work at 1747 for dinner, came back at 2200 to resume work. Strangely, I actually felt good, despite the hassle of going out and coming back (think of the peak hour crowd and all).

Gift exchange was on the cards. However, I had to miss out (Work. Of course.). For the gift, I spent the day before scouring 3 shopping malls for 1.5 hours. There was actually another Christmas BBQ 2 weeks ago with my secondary school CCA people. I did not get any gift because it was too rushed. I kind of felt bad not to have put in more effort then. Actually, I found the gift at the very first shop but decided to look around some more. The moment I saw it, somehow, the image of one of the girls wearing them flashed past (Earphones. Not some strange stuff). Ok. I associate things and ideas with images or people I am familiar with. So this was one such occasion again. In the end, she really got it. One out of 5 or 6 chances.

Remembering Why I Need to Work Hard(er)

1. To prove I earned my class and is a class above the rest.
2. To prove my ability is not restricted to the theory.
3. To repay the encouragements from my supervisors, seniors and important friends.
4. To redeem myself from the poor performance last year (perhaps the most important reason).

Yes. Now is the time to go all out. Hold nothing back.

Split second wish for a shotgun

Yes. For a split second, I wished for a shotgun.

It happened like this: The time is about 2245. I finally finished work. Not a very good day though. Been at it since 1000 (on a SUNDAY). Weekends are actually not too bad... just that I think I hit my limits. So I was ready to rush to catch the bus. I opened the door. That was when it appeared.

Patches of black and white. Four legs. Claws. Yellow eyes. Long tail. Measuring... well.... 50cm? It is a feline. Ok. I am not too fond of animals. Watching them on TV and in the zoo is fine. But I would avoid animals if I can. Too troublesome I thought. I don't know what it is trying to say, it doesn't know what I am trying to say... etc etc etc. What's more, who knows what other organisms are hitching a ride on these animals that are perceived to be cute? Must be hungry again I thought - it didn't appear during dinner time. They are always hungry. I went back to get food. Then I turned and saw IT inside the room. BUT IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE ROOM!

Perhaps it is because I have been watching Resident Evil 4 walkthrough the past few days. My first thought was: Where's my shotgun? If this was a game and IT is the antagonist, I would not have hesitated to shoot it right away. Good riddance to a pest I would have thought. But my brain returned to real-life. Shotgun? I would be arrested for having weapon. Shooting at animal? That is breaking another law. Besides, IT is just a feline. Not some monster.

Ok. IT is in the room. What do I do? Trying to catching IT means running risk of getting clawed or bitten. Not good, considering I have pressing work to do in the future. I tried to lure it out. IT actually snarled at me and, let's say, took defensive manoeuvre - IT probably thinks the room has an endless stash of food  (or something to that end). Never did IT expect that not only there is no food, it cannot get out. First few attempts to lure it out did not quite work because the door did not cooperate and IT was very agitated.

Finally I got the door to open and IT dashed out. Stupidly, I went out too and the door closed behind me. The door is controlled by an access pass and I left mine in the room. Well done. What now?

At least I still can make my way home. That is what I did.

I supposed I cannot blame IT. How is IT supposed to know? If you ask me, yes. I was quite furious at that time. It was late. I spent my weekend at work. Then IT has to come "rub salt into my wound". Ok. Next time, I am going to watch the door closely.  I will avoid going that direction for the next few days. Not because I am afraid of IT. Let's just say I am tired of playing nice.

The Lust is Back

The lust to see proper work done that is. Finally got a little bit of urgency back. Was lapsing into holiday mood after the exams. Just realised I am left with only 3 more months. Got to step up the pace.

On Wednesday, supervisor talked to me about my plans after my project. She is reluctant to take in any more student because she feels like retiring. But she did recommend me to another PI. It feels nice to be recognised by someone who have seen a lot. Then again, despite what others have said, I do acutely know that I have yet to become the completed product (no one can be a completed product because there is always new things to learn).  

Need to buy new shoes and trousers. It's a pain when the basic things that I have taken for granted falls apart or needed an effort to maintain/replenish.

Looks like I got to do something on the social front. Getting "scooped"... Then again, I deserved it... Too reserved and too focused on work to see the world around me.

Brain Block

Suffered from brain block while writing Introduction today. There is too much information and I am having trouble trying to put them together to achieve a good flow of ideas. I think I need to get a 1,2 day break. Need to do some reading to come up with a good Introduction, buy some clothes and a pair of new shoes (old ones are coming apart).

Better not go into holiday mood. But there are still a number of people I want to meet (some of them quite desperately)...

12th Western Pacific Congress on Chemotherapy and Infectious Diseases

That was today at Shangri-la hotel. Good thing I went yesterday to scout the place. Or else I would be very late today. The first time I went there was for buffet lunch with the lab at The Line. Very good food. Today, I went there thinking my head will be chopped.

My senior got the Young Investigator Award. Out of over 300 individuals who applied, only 2 were chosen. It is good to be in such good labs. There are a lot of things I can learn. Pretty amazed that I actually had a poster to present, despite being abit short on data. There were more people who stopped by to look and read my poster immediately after I put it up than at the actual poster session. Haha. So my head was not chopped at all. Phew. Many thanks to seniors from both laboratories and my 2 supervisors.

Met 3 people that interest me at the conference. First is the head of Communicable Disease Center. In the past, I only saw her on TV and on newspapers. I actually saw her in person today. My recent goal is to work in CDC. Looks like my boss has some connections there - they are in the same project. May be there is a little bit of chance I can get to work in CDC?

Second is a girl whom I had communicated via email, but not seen in person. She is a PhD student, writing up her thesis now. I consulted her on certain technical stuff. Now that I met her, quite pretty actually. I always wonder why some people can have both good looks and good brains while most of us are stuck with lopsided attributes.

Third is another girl (Yes. Guys do not interest me socially. But there are guys that I admire at work. I admire all the PhD students in my labs. All very capable. Hope I will grow to be like them). Without her, I probably would not have gotten an A+. That time, I was rushing to do experiments, thus missed quite a few lectures. Without her lending me her notes, I most probably would not get an A+. She is also pretty and smart. But... I think she was too busy. She worked at Science Center as a guide. But then because of all these distractions, she did not do so well and could not to go on with the fourth year. I think it is quite sad actually. There are people who just studied and scored in exams without really understanding and without passion for science. They got to fourth year. But decided not to proceed because they did not like science. Rationally, these people should not be blamed for halting the advances of others, like this third girl. But irrationally, I think they are wasting not only their own time, but the chances of others - why bother to work so hard, then give up in the end, when there are people who genuinely want it but got outcompeted by you people because they have other commitments. Like I said, these are irrational thought. Who knows, she might have better opportunities awaiting her. I think she is very sound in terms of technical skills and above average in terms of ability to grasp theory. Hope she will go far in future. Well, if I know of a suitable opening in future, I will definitely recommend her. She is someone I will want to work with and not give my heart attack, unlike some others.